


Till Death Do Us Part

by chesterpennington



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, no regrets - Fandom
Genre: Canon Compliant, Cussing, F/M, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, Tiny bit of No Regrets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:55:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26436031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chesterpennington/pseuds/chesterpennington
Summary: Erwin Smith had dedicated his heart to humanity. Levi had dedicated his heart to Erwin.
Relationships: Levi & Hange Zoë, Levi & Petra Ral, Levi/Erwin Smith, Marie/Erwin Smith
Comments: 20
Kudos: 110





	1. Wings of Freedom

**Author's Note:**

> My first fan fic in years - a look into Levi
> 
> Please comment any suggestions/advice you have!
> 
> Probably won't change this to Mature unless there is demand

The first time he saw him, Levi hated him.

Levi hadn’t meant to waste time roughing up some con artists, but they were persistent and Isabel wanted some fun. How had he not noticed a Survey Corps member in the crowd? It was a gross misstep that could put them all at risk. Not only that, Levi was angered by the blue eyes that followed him as he made his escape. 

Those eyes were bright, shining. Intrigued. They weren’t the eyes of a man who belonged in the Underground. Neither was that face. Blond hair, lightened at the tips, streaked pale by the sun. Reddened cheeks and bronzed skin. Skin that looked soft to touch, not pulled tight over sunken cheeks. 

Survey Corps members, Underground? There were no Titans here, just the miscreants of the walls who were seen as even less. At least the government acknowledged Titans. If a body from the Underground went missing, did it make a sound?

* * *

Levi’s boots planted against the pillar, his muscles absorbing the force and pushing back to send him flying in the opposite direction. He glanced to his left, looking for the Wings of Freedom on the back of the green cloak passing him. What he saw was a familiar face - young, determined, strong, handsome. He didn’t need to glimpse the insignia stitched into the cloak to confirm his suspicions. The Survey Corps was on his tail.

He had been forewarned of the plan. They were to be drafted to the Survey Corps. But Levi hadn’t expected the Survey Corps themselves to arrive for him. He had been expecting some unfortunate rookie MPs to pull the short stick and get sent underground. There was a big difference between being tailed by a new graduate begrudgingly sent Underground and a Survey Corps veteran. Speed, skill. Lethality. Dying wasn't part of the plan.

Of course, Levi wouldn't die. He was a predator, not prey. But he was always uneasy splitting himself from Isabel and Furlan. They were more than capable under normal circumstances. Two captains experienced with vertical maneuvering gear were not normal circumstances.

Levi flew through the Underground, expertly diving through broken glass windows and twisting around rotten wooden beams. He would throw them off his trail, then circle back to check on his companions. Those military lackeys surely wouldn't know the terrain as well as they did. His friends would be fine. He had the speed to draw his enemies far out and double back before they noticed. 

Levi paused outside an abandoned house. He had gotten a little carried away and ended up further from his friends than he'd have liked. He let out a sigh. As he spun on his heel to head back, a body crashed into him and sent him backwards. One of the captains, with a sparse blond mustache and unkempt hair. Before Levi's back was on the ground, he dug his boots into the cobbled stone and arched himself to send the attacker flying past him. Luckily the man hadn't grabbed hold of him yet.

He bolted upright as the man behind him crashed into an alleyway. There should be one more nearby. He scanned the buildings quickly, but nothing stood out. As he started to put distance between him and his victim, still groaning in the alleyway, a figure moved from above. Levi glanced up in time to avoid the gleaming blade swinging towards him, but not fast enough to avoid crashing into the wall behind him. Upside down, his head smacked the ground with a sickening _thud_.

"You brought him down, Erwin?" The mustached man asked, stretching his arms overhead.

Through blurry eyes, Levi could make out the handsome face he had seen before. 

He hated that face.

In the blink of an eye, he was on his feet, his fist sailing towards the tanned face before him. Quick reactions put a blade in his path, but he knocked it aside. Before he could land a solid punch, mustached-man had once again bodied him to the ground. He jumped back up, unwilling to be stopped.

A stern voice snapped Levi from his bloodlust. When he looked up, he saw Isabel attempting to kick the shins of the soldier who held her. Furlan begrudgingly let himself be pulled along. Levi was brought to his knees with his friends, hands tied behind their backs.

Levi's anger turned to tension. He regarded the blond man coldly. Up close, the difference in their heights was startling. This man, Erwin, was roughly a foot taller than Levi. Even under the heavy cloak, Levi could make out broad shoulders and a strong chest. What concerned him the most, however, were those blue eyes. The only time he saw eyes like that was when he looked into his reflection. Or, if he thought back, eyes like Kenny's. The eyes of men who had killed without remorse.

It was best to keep his head down. If he couldn't control his bloodlust, this man would kill his friends without hesitation. 

"Who taught you to use this equipment?" he heard the man say. His voice was deep, stern. It sent shivers down his spine.

 _Focus on the ground,_ he told himself. _You can't lose control_.

He could feel those blue eyes boring into him. "You're the leader, aren't you? Have you ever received military training?"

Levi felt his fingers twitch. It was nearly insulting. He met the eyes staring into him with a gaze even icier. 

Erwin smirked in response. "That is the face of a man who wants to kill me."

He could hardly hear the words Erwin said next over the sound of his own blood rushing in his ears. If he had, maybe he would have been prepared for the hand that grasped his hair from the base of his scalp and slammed his face into the sewage that had been soaking his knees.

"I'll ask again." Erwin's gaze had somehow gotten calmer and fiercer. It only boiled his blood more. "Where did you learn to use vertical maneuvering?"

Levi tried to match his stare, but his friends jumped in.

"We didn't learn it from anyone!" Isabel spat.

"We figured it out ourselves, to survive in this sewer," Furlan added.

Erwin glanced at the outbursts, but paid them little attention. "What's your name?" he asked Levi. "My name is Erwin Smith."

Before Levi could reset his glare on Erwin, the mustached-man forced his face back into the wet sewage, holding him down until his lungs burned for air and his body betrayed him, gasping.

There was a smile on Erwin's face when Levi surfaced. "Your determination is commendable, but keep it up and we'll move onto your friends."

Blades pressed against the necks of Isabel and Furlan. Levi bit his tongue, tasting sharp blood and viscous sewage waste. 

"Levi," he spit out. "My name is Levi."

Erwin kneeled before him, sinking into the sewage himself. "Levi." His voice was softer, like he was trying the taste of the letters on his lips. From this distance, Levi could smell an almost sweet aroma that mixed with the pungent trash around them. "Levi, would you like to make a deal with me?"

* * *

_Years Later_

Levi breathed into the pillow. It smelled of Erwin, of pine needles and musk.

Erwin was away on some Commander business, probably arguing against defunding the Survey Corps. The same song and dance he did nearly once a month. Levi hated bureaucracy. It was a waste of time for Erwin to travel to Wall Sheena and give a variation of the same spiel about saving humanity from the Titans to some fat bastards who had never seen one themselves and didn't give a shit about humanity. The lives of the people only mattered to them so far as their pockets were concerned. 

Maybe he was a hypocrite though. Levi didn't really give a shit about humanity either. He had joined the Survey Corps as part of a scheme to escape the Underground and live within Wall Sheena. A botched plan from the start, one that Isabel and Furlan hadn't survived. He killed Titans because they killed his friends. Because Erwin asked him to. Because there were no moral qualms about killing Titans like there had been about killing people.

Levi had killed many people. Had he still killed more people than Titans?

He shuddered, burying his face in the pillow again. It would be another night of nightmares. They were always worse when Erwin was away.


	2. What Comes Next

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi doesn't know what to do next after all his friends are killed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is super short but I wanted to write something today

“Erwin,” Commander Shadis began as they approached the gate. “Your plan didn’t work. We’ve suffered heavy losses. I hope you’re ready to answer for them.”

Levi noticed Erwin’s knuckles whiten as he gripped the reins tighter. 

“Commander, the plan was working well until the unexpected fog.”

“And then your formation left many stranded, unable to follow!” Shadis retorted. “The Survey Corps is not in the position to be taking any further risks like this.”

“We’ve secured our position for just a bit longer with the information on Lovof. Sir, if we just try it again under better conditions -”

“Not everyone is your pawn to use as you please and discard when you’re done. This discussion is over.” Shadis stopped his horse just short of the gate to wall Maria and fixed his eyes to the sky.

* * *

Levi couldn’t blink without seeing Isabel’s detached head beneath his eyelids. Couldn’t walk without feeling the ache in his muscles telling him he was too slow, too slow to save Furlan. He had been wandering aimlessly, hoping to stumble upon showers, when he heard a door slam. 

He turned the corner to hear a loud “fuck!” followed by the sound of something heavy crashing to the ground. It was enough to break him from his temporary stupor and open the door.

Erwin sat at a desk, head in hands, dresser toppled nearby.  _ This was Erwin’s private room, _ Levi noticed. The taller man made no motion to move.

“Here to kill me again, Levi?” he asked without looking up. 

“Not this time.” Levi closed the door behind him.

Erwin let out a strained laugh and whipped his head around. “Why are you here, then? Get out."

Levi leaned against the door. There was something unstable in Erwin’s eyes that he hadn’t seen before. “I still see their faces.”

“Get  _ out _ , Levi.”

“I… I still see their faces. They were the last people I had. I have nothing now. Nowhere. No one.”

Erwin sighed and lowered his eyes. “Levi, I -”

“But you were still right,” Levi cut him off. “Your scouting plan was brilliant. It would have worked if there hadn’t been unexpected weather. All those deaths; that’s how it usually is anyway, isn’t it?”

Erwin nodded. “Would have been many more too, if you hadn’t taken out five Titans single handedly.” A smile crept onto his face.

“Erwin,” Levi’s voice softened. “What do I do from here? What comes next?”

“You help me kill the Titans.” Erwin moved his chair to face Levi and leaned back. “Together, we can stop them from killing any more of our friends.” He motioned for Levi to sit on the bed pressed against the side of the room.

Levi moved from the door just in time for it to burst open with a frantic Hange bustling through.

“Erwin!” Hange glanced briefly at Levi but didn’t pause. “I’ve been thinking about the scouting formation, and I think it’s our best option still! I’ve come up with some contingency plans based on our recent outing that I’d like you to look over!”

Erwin smiled, and Levi felt a warmth within him that he hadn’t felt in a long time, possibly ever. “Hange, why don’t you have a seat next to Levi? I’ll put on some tea.”

“Oh, Levi! I still have so many questions for you! How’d you kill five Titans at once?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't realize there were some continuity errors in No Regrets until I went to write what happens next and realized it contradicts Shadis's account in the main manga (unless that's all translation errors). Oh well.


	3. Team Erwin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi joins Team Erwin

Levi had spent the night sipping warm tea and listening to Hange and Erwin strategize. The burning in his fingertips and the boisterous banter were the only things to remind him he was alive; his body as a whole felt cold and numb. Maybe it was because he sat in damp clothes. Maybe it was the dried blood he still wore. He noticed that Erwin and Hange, too, still wore the same clothes they had worn beyond the wall. 

He felt uncomfortable when he noticed the bandages on Erwin’s hand starting to ooze red. Here he was, in the bedroom of the man he had recently tried to kill. He could remember the weight of the blade in his hand as he held it to Erwin’s throat, could feel the piercing blue gaze that had made him hesitate. Even now, he wasn’t sure why he had given those eyes enough time to meet his own. It wasn’t his normal modus operandi. Levi had always been more of a slice first, ask later guy. Furlan was the one who always cautioned him to slow down.

“Erwin, you need to change those bandages,” Hange pointed out. “And if you don’t shower soon, that wound could get infected.”

“Ah.” Erwin lifted his hand. “I wouldn’t want to lose an arm. I guess that brings the end to this night.”

Hange turned to Levi. “You should shower too, you look and smell _awful_.”

“I… don’t know where the showers are.”

Erwin gave a half smile, giving Levi just a little bit more of life. “Follow me, Levi, I’ll show you if you promise not to stab me again while we’re there.”

* * *

Erwin paused at the end of a hall. “There’s a shower here for some of the higher-ranking officers. The others are probably drunk or sleeping by now, so why don’t you shower here just this once?” 

He pushed the door open to show a tiled room with two bathroom stalls and two showers with doors and a divider spanning from two feet off the ground to roughly shoulder height on Erwin. It was the first time Levi had seen a semi-private bathroom. In the Underground, he, Furlan, and Isabel had showered together by pouring buckets of cold water on each other. In the castle outside the walls, there had been a narrow room with overhead sprinklers where the soldiers had entered in groups. 

“If you’d prefer, the soldiers’ showers are in the building three down from here, near the stables, but I thought you’d might like a hot shower tonight.”

Levi wasn’t sure what a hot shower felt like. Maybe like warm tea being poured over his body. It sounded like the best thing for him right now. The bathroom was decently clean, too - much cleaner than the soldiers’ bathrooms. Before he could focus on the minute details to spot mold in the grout or mildew on the ceilings, his attention was pulled elsewhere.

Erwin had begun undressing, his pants already pooled around his ankles. His bandaged hand fumbled with the buttons on his formerly white shirt. He cast an embarrassed glance at Levi. “Do you mind helping with these?”

Levi’s first reaction was to tell Erwin to fuck off, but a memory of Furlan flooded his mind. Of the time Furlan had stolen a clean button down to go on a date with a girl he had met at the above-ground markets, and he was so nervous he couldn’t line up the buttons. A time that seemed so long ago, when a different blonde man was asking his help. 

He wordlessly stepped forward, nimble fingers moving fast. He was once again made aware of their difference in height, and now of the way Erwin smelled. Like the trees from outside the walls, and of black tea and peppermints and blood. And something else, _something uniquely Erwin_ , he thought.

“Thanks,” Erwin murmured, staring down at Levi’s head.

Levi paused, noticing a long scar spanning across Erwin’s left flank. He touched it without thinking, feeling the way the skin puckered around the darkened line. Erwin tensed in response. 

Levi looked up to see Erwin’s tanned face turn red. His eyes were focused past Levi now. “I fell out of a tree as a kid, at my uncle’s farm. One of the branches got me pretty good.”

Levi nodded. “Furlan and Isabel had some scars, too. I haven’t scarred yet.”

Erwin raised his eyebrows. “Is that a brag about your fighting skills?” He scanned Levi’s face.

“No, I’ve certainly been scratched by a few blades. But it’s never left a mark.” Levi began unbuttoning his own shirt, showing his pale, bare chest. “Nothing.”

Erwin let out a laugh. “Incredible. You’re like a Titan in human form, healing yourself. Don’t tell Hange; they might start digging knives into you out of curiosity.”

Erwin pulled his shirt off, revealing broad, toned shoulders and the full expanse of his powerful chest. Only his underwear remained. _Boxers_ , Levi noted. For some reason, his face felt really warm.

He turned away, suddenly unsure of himself. “I could take on Hange,” he said seriously. Erwin laughed again. 

Levi didn’t move until he heard the water running in the shower. He quickly stripped and hopped into the unoccupied one, grateful for the steam shrouding his lithe body. He tried not to think about Erwin on the other side of the flimsy wooden divide, muscles bunching as he moved about, running his hands across his naked body to clean himself. He didn’t dare turn his head left, where he could see Erwin’s head if he looked up. Levi was thankful he was short; it would help obscure him from view. 

He couldn’t help but sneak a peak at Erwin, eyes closed beneath the stream of water, running a hand through his hair. He immediately focused his eyes on the floor, watching the water swirl about him and down the drain. He noticed it was pink. _Blood_. Not his, though. 

Suppressing a gag, Levi spent the rest of his shower focusing on the way the water scorched his skin and turned it red. He waited for Erwin’s shower to stop and the door to close before he dared step out himself. Erwin had said something about being to breakfast on time before he left. All Levi could think about was how the water wasn’t enough to wash away the pain he felt inside.

* * *

It had actually been Erwin who buried Isabel and Furlan.

The survey corps had a tarp-covered cart that was always brought with them to carry found remains of the dead back to their families. Levi flinched when the tarp was lifted and a man inside reached down to pull his squad leader’s half-eaten body into the heap of limbs and carcasses. He jumped off his horse, finding Isabel’s head near his feet, eyes closed as he left them. The thought of her head being tossed in like a ball made him shudder. 

“Levi, why don’t I carry her back to the walls?” Erwin had asked softly, climbing off his horse and appearing beside him.

“Her… head? What?”

Erwin glanced down at Levi and looked away. “So her family can bury it.”

Levi dug the toe of his boot into the reddened mud. “She has no family.”

Erwin hesitated. “So… you can bury her.”

“When people die in the Underground, no one buries them. There’s no ground. We burn the bodies to stop infection.”

“Is that what you want, then? To cremate her remains?”

Levi paused. He could remember the smell of rotting flesh, could see the skin stretched taught over his mother’s bones. She had been walking the tightrope between life and death for some time, so Levi hadn’t noticed when she actually died. By the time Kenny arrived, he estimated it had been at least a week.

Kenny had taken Levi, and his dead mother, above ground for the first time in Levi’s life. He couldn’t remember much of how they got there or where they went, but he remembered watching Kenny hunch over a shovel, digging a deep hole beneath a tree. It was the first time Levi had seen a tree.

“I want… to bury her here,” Levi replied. “Isabel and Furlan. So they can be free, outside the walls.”

Erwin nodded. “Hange,” he called out. “Grab Mike. I want you to help me with something.”

* * *

Levi was assigned to Erwin’s squad, against the wishes of Shadis. It was Hange who had actually convinced the commander at breakfast - Levi was sure their pestering played a heavier hand than their actual argument. His performance during the last outing was not enough to sway the commander to lift babysitting duty either. 

Levi, who was unable to get the image of Erwin in only boxers out of his mind, decided to sit next to Hange instead, the only other person he knew. Hange had sat themselves next to Shadis, who was holding his head in his hands and had hardly touched his food.

“-and if we were able to capture a Titan I could… oh, Levi!” Hange exclaimed as Levi put his plate down. “You still haven’t told me your secret to defeating five Titans!”

Shadis sighed loudly. “Are we done then, Hange? My potato is getting cold.”

“Oh, no, sir! I have so much more to say!”

Levi was inspecting his watery eggs when he heard a chair scrape against the floor. His eyes glanced up to meet Erwin’s, causing his face to immediately get warm.

“Commander Shadis,” Erwin said in greeting. “I wanted to speak to you about adding Levi to my squad.”

Levi nearly choked on his eggs. 

Shadis glanced down the table at the sound. “Erwin, I’ll be blunt. You said in your own reports that the kid hates you. _And_ he managed to kill multiple Titans single handedly. I’m not putting someone with his record and reputation on _your_ squad.”

“I assure you, it will be fine,” Erwin replied coolly.

Shadis looked back at Levi again. “Look at him, he’s red right now just sitting near you! I don’t need _The Military’s Greatest Weapon_ , as they’re already calling him, getting into a death match with my top squad leader.”

Levi, who had spent most of his life feeling small, suddenly felt he was not small enough and wished to disappear completely from this conversation.

Hange jumped into the conversation. “Oh but sir, I’ve been brainstorming some ideas about how we can use Levi and if he’s part of our squad-”

Levi didn’t hear what Hange had to say. They were talking loud and fast, their words blurring together into a buzzing sound in his ears. Instead, his mind was focused on the smell of Erwin’s soap, the bass of his voice when he agreed with Hange, and his hand, freshly bandaged, resting on the table. He thought about the strength of those fingers as they stopped his blade, how they had gripped his forearm when he started shaking slightly as Mike lowered Furlan and Isabel into the ground.

“I’ll take personal responsibility for Levi,” Erwin interrupted. “I’ll watch him like a hawk, and train him myself. I believe we’ve gotten past Levi wanting to kill me, haven’t we, Levi?”

Levi, stunned, could only shrug. “I guess.”

Erwin laughed. 

Shadis raised his eyebrows.

Hange inhaled, ready to continue their tirade.

“No, Hange, stop,” Shadis exclaimed. “I give in. If they kill each other so be it. It might be humanity’s loss but it’ll be my gain.” He got up with his unfinished tray and left the table.

Erwin ripped his loaf of bread in two and shoved the other half at Levi. "Eat this, you're too skinny. Squad Leader's orders."

Hange turned to Levi. “Welcome to Team Erwin!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit light, a bit dark, hopefully you enjoyed
> 
> In theory I would update weekly, but I had a test to study for!
> 
> Please leave comments of anything you'd like me to add
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Icarus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is being called the "Greatest Weapon." Shadis gives a warning.

Levi spun through the air, his blade slicing through the cardboard neck of a fake Titan as though it were butter. He landed gracefully in the upper branches of a tree, with Hange landing nearby shortly after, stumbling slightly as they tried to catch their breath.

“How… do you move... that fast…” Hange puffed out. “I just wanted… to see the way… you used your blades.”

Levi shrugged. “Darting through trees is easier than darting through crowds.”

Erwin whirred past, landing next to Hange. “Alright, Levi, that’s enough training for today. If you stay out here the others won’t have a chance to get a slice in.” He turned to Hange. “If you keep trying to hold a blade like Levi, you’re gonna cut one of your comrades before you hit a Titan. Stick to what you know.”

Hange let out an exasperated sigh. “I just want to understand his biomechanics!” 

Erwin patted their shoulder. “Don’t you go trying to dissect Levi like you have everything else you try to understand. Unless he tries to kill me again. Then I’ll help you.”

Levi scoffed. “The more you talk about it, the more tempting it becomes. Don’t think I forgot when Mike rubbed my face in sewage.”

Erwin let out a deep laugh that echoed through the trees, sending a warmth shooting through Levi’s chest into his toes. Laughter had been uncommon in the Underground. He wasn’t used to hearing such a melodic sound. 

“Alright, let’s regroup at lunch,” Erwin instructed. “Hange has some new physical tests they’d like you to complete, Levi, so make sure you’re eating.” He shot off as quickly as he came, heading towards Mike’s group deeper in the woods.

“So, darting through crowds? With the vertical maneuvering gear? What exactly were you doing in the Underground?” Hange asked, eyes bright.

Levi glanced at the blade in his hand. “Not much different than what I do here,” he responded, taking off to leave Hange with a half response.

* * *

Levi had spent a lot of time scrubbing the dirt from under his nails after training, so he wasn’t surprised to see Hange had arrived at the mess hall before him. He wasn’t ready to talk about his past, but his eccentric companion was the only one he really knew. In some ways, Hange reminded him of Furlan, if Furlan had verbalized every thought that crossed his mind. Besides, Isabel had seemed to like Hange, and Isabel’s judge of character was usually sound.

Levi was about to head to their table when he saw Mike make his way over and place a tray next to Hange. Levi’s opinions immediately soured, and he stopped in his tracks. _Maybe I can find an empty table_.

A hand gently grabbed his elbow, and Levi turned quickly to stare directly into Erwin’s chest. “Normally we sit as a squad, but today we’re meeting with Shadis,” Erwin responded, not moving his hand. “We’ll take our trays to his office instead.” 

Levi looked up at Erwin, noting how his eyes were the color of a cloudless sky. There was a pause before Erwin seemed to remember he was still holding Levi and let go. 

Erwin coughed and looked away. “Here, I’ll show you where his office is.”

Shadis had an even bigger office than Erwin. Unlike Erwin’s, his office was separate from his bedroom. There was a large desk that looked out at the room, with a large chair behind the desk and two plush chairs seated before it. Erwin slid into one chair, motioning Levi to sit beside him. Shadis was already at his desk expecting them, papers strewn everywhere. 

“Alright, let’s get this over with,” Shadis started, annoyance tinging his voice. “Word’s gotten out that Levi managed to take down five Titans alone, so naturally, the Interior wants him as a guest at their next ball so they can poke him and pry at him and see what all the fuss is about. 

"Obviously, given his, uh, _colorful past_ , there were some who were not too pleased to hear we have someone of Levi’s reputation in our ranks. So the party will be swarming with people looking for any excuse to accuse him. Not to mention, the Survey Corps is still in a precarious position as it is. Nailing Lovof was only a temporary reprieve. Those fat bastards will use whatever excuse they can to dissolve us. Therefore, it’s essential that Levi is the perfect soldier throughout the event. I’ve managed to pull some strings so he only has to make an appearance, but it’s important he shows and makes a good impression.

"Erwin, you’ll be in charge of Levi. Make sure he behaves himself. Make sure he doesn’t say anything of substance. Make sure he doesn’t stab anyone. And for fuck’s sake, make sure he fakes a smile for the ladies.”

Levi glanced at Erwin, who was focused on Shadis. “Do I get a say in any of this?” he asked.

“No,” Erwin and Shadis responded simultaneously. 

Levi rolled his eyes. He was already bored of this military shit. At least it came with non-moldy food and clean water.

“If he does that when someone’s talking to him, smack him,” Shadis told Erwin.

* * *

“You didn’t say this soldier shit came with all this ass kissing,” Levi said to Erwin as they left Shadis’s office. “I might’ve changed my mind about the whole thing.”

Erwin chuckled. “You don’t even know how bad it can get. Shadis would pimp me out to the ladies with deep pockets if he could. As it is, I spend a lot of these parties flirting with women older than my mother. They’re surprisingly efficient at getting information.”

Levi wrinkled his nose. The thought of Erwin flirting with gray-haired shriveled ladies made his stomach lurch. 

“You’ll be alright. I’ll do most of the talking; you just stand there and say ‘yes, sir’ and ‘no, ma’am,’ and ‘anything for Paradis, sir.’” 

“I don’t want to pat the backs of people who didn’t give a fuck whether I lived or died, who didn’t give a fuck when my mother died, who saw us as vermin in the sewers and nothing more,” Levi spilled. “This isn’t just an annoyance to me, Erwin. These are people who profited from the suffering of my friends and family so they could fatten themselves off rich desserts and overpriced wines.” His voice was calm, but his fists were balled at his sides.

Erwin was quiet for a moment. “I didn’t come from the Underground, but they killed my family, too,” he replied softly, running a hand through his blond hair. “That’s why I go to these things - to watch them drink too much and eat too much and spill their secrets like they spill their wine. I have a dream, Levi, and I won’t let them stop me. I’ll take the knives they have pointed at me and twist them into their owners.”

The fire in Erwin’s eyes both calmed and frightened Levi. It was in that moment that he saw the ferocity Erwin kept locked within, and understood how easily Erwin had been able to use Lovof and those around him as pawns against the man. And yet, the power he exuded impressed Levi, and the sharing of a common enemy brought comfort.

“I’m not too bad with knives myself,” Levi replied. “Maybe I could help.”

Erwin’s eyes softened as the corner of his mouth turned up. “So I hear.”

* * *

"Levi," Shadis called to him. "Join me for a stroll."

Levi had just returned from one of Hange’s physical tests, where his blood had been drawn so many times he was sure Hange would bleed him dry. He was on his way to meet Erwin, to discuss preparations for the Interior Ball. He could see Erwin across the square, looking inquisitively at Shadis nearing the shorter man. Levi shot a glance at Erwin, who knit his brows together. Their eyes met and he bowed his head in a slight nod.

Shadis hadn't waited for a response. Levi fell into step beside him, uncertainty filling his chest. They walked for nearly fifteen minutes before Shadis cleared his throat.

"As I'm sure Erwin has informed you, you will be representing the entirety of the Survey Corps at the Interior Ball," Shadis began without breaking stride. They were heading away from camp, towards the training grounds at a steady pace. "It is of the utmost importance that you behave _as expected_ of a Corps member."

"Yes, Sir." _Better practice manners now,_ Levi thought to himself, internally rolling his eyes.

"You never attended the training corps, Levi. I'm worried your education for this event may be… _lacking._ Tell me, do you know the difference between a soldier and a leader?"

"Their rank, sir?"

"The difference between a soldier and a leader is someone who follows orders and someone who knows how to give them. And I'm not talking about someone higher ranking barking down commands to his subordinates, although that has its own place. The difference between a leader and a soldier is the difference between that pain-in-my-ass Erwin Smith and these shitbrained Squad Leaders who only know how to regurgitate the orders they receive."

"I see."

"Do you?" Shadis questioned. "You missed out on the training corps, so I'll try to drill it into you now. The military wants _soldiers_ , they don't want leaders. Do you know the point of the training corps?"

"To train citizens in basic combat skills?"

Shadis shook his head. "Beyond that. The training corps is meant to wear down new recruits, to break them into shells of their former selves and rebuild them into tools of the government. You didn't go through the training corps, so all the more reason the eyes and ears of those who control our future will be fine tuned to you."

Shadis came to a slowed halt, the barracks just fuzzy dots on the horizon. Levi wasn’t sure why they were having this conversation now, separate from their meeting earlier.

Shadis started up again. "Survey Corps members tend to have more leadership in them than the average soldier. In part, it's intentional. Their instructors will dock points for their 'disobedience,' barring them from qualifying to be MPs and getting near the Interior. The ones with real spunk know there's no difference to be made joining those drunkard Garrison assholes, so they come to us, where the government hopes the Titans will scare them straight or simply eat them. The government usually gets what they want.

"Men like Erwin… should always be regarded with a level of suspicion. He plays soldier well enough he had the option of becoming an MP, but he’s made more than enough enemies with his antics. Hell, even I can’t stand him, and the majority of the time I _agree_ with him. But men like Erwin have agendas of their own. Who’s to say what it is? Is it in the best interest of humanity? Only Erwin knows.”

Shadis took a deep breath before looking Levi directly in the eye with an icy gaze.

“I’ve seen that training with Erwin is bringing you closer to him,” Shadis said sternly, “but as a friendly warning, don’t fly too close to the sun. The sun will not dim for anyone. It will simply let you burn as it continues its path.”

Levi clenched his fist. “Yes, sir,” he replied blandly. 

The walk back left an uncomfortable silence between them. No one spoke until the stables came into clear view. 

Shadis broke the quiet with a reminder. “You might be the people’s _Greatest Weapon_ , but currently you are the government’s biggest potential threat. Remember your role as a soldier, but don’t be a pawn.” With that, he turned down the path of the stables and called out to someone inside.

Levi continued towards the mess hall. The sun sat low in the purple sky, signaling it was near dinner time, although he was no longer hungry. He could feel the glare of the sun on the back of his neck, tinging the skin a light pink.

Erwin called out his name, exiting from a nearby building. “Levi!” He strode over to the shorter man. “How was the conversation with Shadis?”

“It was… fine,” Levi responded uneasily, not looking at Erwin directly but focusing on the sigil embroidered on his chest pocket instead. If he looked any higher, he would be blinded by the sun setting behind Erwin’s head.

“Well, what did he want with you?” Erwin pressed.

“Just to remind me of my manners. To make sure I say ‘yes, sir’ and ‘no, sir’ and represent the Corps well.”

Levi knew Erwin didn’t believe him, but what was he to say? He wanted to squirm under Erwin’s gaze, boring into him as though it could drill secrets from Levi’s bones.

“Alright then,” Erwin said bluntly. “I’ll see you for training tomorrow morning.”

“You’re not heading to the mess hall?”

“No, I have other things to do.” Erwin turned on his heel and headed back the way he came, not sparing a glance back for Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want Levi and Hange to be friends.


	5. Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi has an incident during training

“We’re working on hand-to-hand combat today,” Erwin announced to his squad. “I’ll be pairing you up.”

“Are you fighting today, Erwin?” Mike asked.

Erwin held up his left hand, still bandaged from Levi’s sword. “Hange and Dr. Yeager have me out for another week. You’ll have to get your ass kicked by someone else this week. Darren, specifically.”

Levi watched as a tan man with short-cropped black hair moved towards Mike. Mike glanced at Darren, then shot a look over to Levi.

“I have someone else in mind I’d like to fight,” Mike stated, then sniffed the air.

Levi felt the blood begin to boil under his skin. He, too, would like to fight Mike. Maybe give him a taste of his own medicine, and shove his face into shit.

Erwin followed Mike’s gaze and looked Levi up and down. “No.”

Levi was paired up with a petite woman, Nanaba. She had short blonde hair with an undercut, and pale eyes. He could tell by the way her muscles bunched under her leggings as she got into stance that she was athletic and not to be underestimated, but Levi had fought more than his fair share of soldiers before entering the Corps.

“So what’re the rules here?” he asked calmly. “Do we stop when you cry out or should I go until I shatter your arm?”

Nanaba, for her part, did not seem intimidated by Levi’s words. “We’re supposed to try to pin the other, but if you need me to stop when you start crying, I can be merciful the first time.”

Levi felt his nostrils flare. “Alright, we’ll see who cries first.”

Nanaba was faster than he expected. He had started with a swipe of his fist, but she had ducked gracefully beneath his arm, sweeping her leg out as she did in an attempt to trip him. Levi sidestepped her kick and threw another punch, trying to catch her off balance, but she was able to throw her weight after her swept leg and roll away from his fist. It was the first time in a long time someone had been able to dodge Levi twice.

This was enough to frustrate Levi into taking this seriously. His next move, a kick, made contact with the back of Nanaba’s knee, causing it to give. As he closed the distance between them, he glanced up to see Erwin watching him intently. Their eyes made contact, and for a moment he was too distracted to see the uppercut coming for his jaw. It was too late. 

Nanaba’s punch rocked his head, and Levi felt his vision blur. _When was the last time I was punched like this?_ Kenny’s face floated in his mind, and Levi felt his rage build.

_Kenny._

* * *

“Levi. _Levi,_ ” Erwin called out, and suddenly Levi found himself being pulled back by Erwin and Mike. He tried ripping his arms out from their grasps, but Mike dug his fingers in harder.

“Oh no you don’t,” Mike replied, twisting Levi’s left arm behind his back and shoving him to his knees.

Erwin crouched before him, blue eyes searching Levi’s face. “What just happened?”

Levi wasn’t sure how to respond. He wasn’t sure what happened. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hange reach down behind Erwin to help someone up. Nanaba was brought to her feet, nose crooked and pouring blood. She tried, unsuccessfully, to use her sleeve to wipe the blood from her lips. 

“Sorry, Squad Leader,” she managed, blood filling her mouth when it opened. “I don’t think I was clear enough on the rules.”

Levi felt himself go cold. He had reacted instinctively, and instincts had told him that every fight was a fight to the death. But here, he was just meant to spar for fun. He wasn’t meant to truly harm Nanaba.

Recognition flickered in Erwin’s eyes, and Levi found himself remembering the last time he was in this position. Last time, when Furlan and Isabel had been beside him and it was all he could do to contain his bloodlust.

“Mike, help Hange take care of Nanaba,” Erwin instructed. “Levi is coming with me.”

“How do you want him restrained?” Mike asked, and Levi tensed.

“Don’t worry about that. Levi can control himself, right, Levi?”

Levi nodded and stared at the dirt beneath Erwin’s feet. He could feel the stickiness of Nanaba’s blood on his hands. It made his skin crawl.

He sensed the hesitancy in Mike’s hands as he let go. Levi didn’t dare move an inch until he saw Mike helping Nanaba away.

“Get back to training, everyone,” Erwin commanded, and Levi became aware of the small gathering around him as they began to disperse.

“Levi.” Erwin held out his right hand. Levi shuddered when he placed his own hand into Erwin’s grasp and saw the red on his skin.

After helping him up, Erwin placed a hand on Levi’s shoulder. “Formalities, you see,” he responded to Levi’s questioning glance. “They won’t be at ease if I’m not directly guiding you.”

“Where are we going?”

“The stables.”

* * *

Erwin sat Levi down on a bale of hay and gave him a pail of water to cleanse his hands. Levi looked uncomfortably at the blood spatters on his shirt but kept his mouth closed, choosing to focus on scrubbing away the blood on his skin instead.

“Tell me what happened,” Erwin prodded. 

Levi continued to focus on his hands. “I didn’t know when to stop.”

Erwin was immediately in his face, pinning him to the barn wall with two fistfuls of Levi’s shirt. “Don’t lie to me, Levi. Tell me what really happened.”

Levi felt something bubbling below the surface. He was pretty sure it was anger, but he wasn’t positive. Erwin’s face was only inches from his, blond eyebrows furrowed together, sitting above piercing eyes. The sun crept through the barn wall slats, putting golden highlights in his hair. Levi could see the wisps of facial hair on Erwin’s chin, and the wrinkles beginning to crease his forehead.

Levi placed his hands on Erwin’s. “Let me go.”

In response, Erwin hoisted Levi off his feet. Now their faces were level, and Levi was less certain the heat beneath his skin was anger. He couldn’t maintain eye contact much longer without feeling his face flush. “No. Tell me what the fuck just happened.”

Levi looked away. “Okay,” he mumbled. “I blacked out. I just reacted instinctively.”

Erwin dropped Levi precariously. “Who’s Kenny?”

Levi’s head snapped up. “What?”

“Who’s Kenny?”

“I thought we had an agreement that you wouldn’t ask about my past.”

“And you said we no longer had a deal. So tell me who Kenny is, so I can decide whether or not I should let Shadis flay you.”

Levi closed his eyes and tried to slow his breathing. He could feel his hands shake slightly as he thought back to Kenny the Ripper, the man who had raised and abandoned him. 

“I’ll ask one last time. Who is Kenny?”

“He was… the closest thing I had to a father. He taught me to fight, and… to kill.” His voice cracked.

Erwin sat Levi back on the bale of hay and crouched before him. “How many of your fights ended with you killing someone?” he asked, his voice suddenly softer.

Levi’s eyes opened wide. What he saw surprised him. No disgust, no malice. Just concern.

“Nearly all of them,” Levi answered honestly.

Erwin gently grabbed Levi’s hands in his own. “I don’t need you to kill humans, Levi. I need you to kill Titans. Do you think you can do that?”

Levi felt his heart in his throat, pulsing faster than he wanted. “I think so,” he managed to reply.

“Why were you thinking of Kenny when you sparred with Nanaba?” 

The shorter man swallowed. “He was the last man to land a hit like that on me.”

Erwin nodded solemnly. “We see it sometimes, with soldiers in the Corps. Flashbacks, usually from their experiences beyond the wall. Sometimes it’s a one-time occurance. Sometimes we have to send them home. Sometimes they never recover and fall into a permanent madness."

“I didn’t see a Titan.”

“No, you saw Kenny. Sounds like that’s even worse for you.”

Levi didn’t realize he was crying until the tears hit his hands, still entwined in Erwin’s grasp. “I wasn’t trying to hurt Nanaba.”

“I know,” Erwin said soothingly. “It’s just a broken nose. We’ll send for the doc and have her fixed up by tomorrow. She’ll be alright. To be honest, I probably wouldn’t have stepped in for a broken nose if I hadn’t seen the look in your eyes.”

Levi nodded mutely.

Erwin pulled his hands away. “I’ve heard reports that you sometimes talk about a man named Kenny in your sleep,” he began with hesitation. “Why don’t you sleep in my room tonight? Wouldn’t want you having another flashback tonight in the barracks. The big chair isn't too bad to sleep in.”

 _His bedroom?_ Levi felt panic shoot across his mind, then thought of the crowd that watched Erwin and Mike pull him from Nanaba. Erwin’s bedroom was possibly the only safe place for him tonight.

“Okay.”

“Wait here,” Erwin instructed. “I need to check on Nanaba, and speak to Shadis about this incident. He’s not going to be pleased, but I don’t want him finding you without me near and I’m sure he’ll search my room.”

The barn felt darker without Erwin’s presence. Levi looked at the dried blood flaking off his hands and the blurry red lines blending in with his tears. How often had he washed blood from his hands? Sometimes he wasn’t sure it ever went away.


	6. Moral Codes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin asks Levi about his moral code

The barn door swung open, and Levi saw Mike and Hange walk through. He immediately stood up, muscles tensed in preparation for a fight. 

Hange held up their hands. “Erwin sent us to watch you. Not in a _‘we think you’re gonna go off the rails again’_ way but more so in a _‘we’re worried about you’_ way.”

Mike rolled his eyes at Hange. “That was terrible.”

Levi relaxed anyway.

Hange shrugged. “Anyway, Levi, don’t worry about what happened. Mike’s given Erwin a bloody nose on more than one occasion and they still get along. Nanaba won’t take it to heart.”

Levi glanced at Mike. The tall blond stood with his arms crossed, body turned so he faced both Hange and Levi. He didn’t make direct eye contact but Levi could feel his focus boring into the shorter man. Hange was their normal, almost careless self, animated and curious.

Mike sniffed. “I might not trust you, but Erwin trusts you, and that carries a lot of weight around here. It wasn’t the punch that made us intervene so much as the  _ speed _ you moved with and the look in your eyes.”

Hange nodded. “It was like you transformed. Do you think you could do it again?”

“What, space out?” Levi asked incredulously. 

“You did more than space out,” Mike interjected, slowly turning to look at Levi. “One moment you were having a normal sparring match, and the next your movements became so quick they were nearly imperceptible. I’ve staked my reputation on being the best fighter here, and I could hardly keep up with your speed.”

“This must be how you took down all those Titans at once,” Hange added.

“I don’t remember. I just acted instinctively.” 

“You have to let me run more experiments on you!” Hange proclaimed, their excitement palpable. They gripped Levi’s wrist, turning it over and feeling for a pulse. “We just got a shipment of needles and - ”

Erwin interrupted, his tall frame casting a shadow across Levi as he approached. “Don’t go scarring my soldier, Hange. I asked you to check in on how he was feeling, not check him for another one of your invasive tests.”

“I’d like to run Levi through an experiment where I - “ Hange started.

Erwin held up a hand. “We’ll discuss it later. Right now Levi needs rest. Probably doubly so after dealing with you.”

“But don’t you think that - “ Hange tried again.

“Let’s go, Hange,” Mike cut in, dragging a still-rambling Hange by the arm.

Erwin let out an exasperated sigh. “Hange would drill directly into everyone’s brains if they thought it would give them the answers they wanted.”

“I’m not sure there’d be much to find in many of these skulls,” Levi replied dryly. 

The corner of Erwin’s mouth betrayed a smile. “Feeling better?”

Levi clenched his fists, digging his nails into his palms. He would be much better after a proper shower, but until then, “sure.” 

“I’ve had dinner sent to my room for us. Let’s go.” Erwin turned and headed out the barn door without a glance back. 

Levi thought of all the times he fought with Furlan, of the constant stress he had given his friend when it came to following another’s lead. Levi himself was not a leader, and not quite a complete loner, but he had never been good with taking direction. 

He followed Erwin without another thought.

* * *

Erwin let Levi use the officer showers again, although he didn’t join this time. Levi was grateful for the warmth on his skin. He hadn’t felt comforting warmth since the last time Isabel had wrapped her skinny arms around him in a hug he poorly resisted. These rare hot showers were the closest comparison he knew to the warmth of another body wrapped around his, and they were just as infrequent. 

He raised his face to the stream of water. Heavy droplets pelted his skin, trailing their way down the bridge of his nose and across his gently parted lips. The memory was just below the surface of his mind. If he looked at it directly it scattered away, like a frightened cat, but if he looked at it in quick glances and sideways stares, he could catch pieces at a time. The softness of the lips that had captured his. The gentle caress that held his cheek. The bitterness of the alcohol in his lover’s mouth. The silkiness of the hair tangled in his fingers.

If he tried hard enough, he could still hear the way his name sounded on Furlan’s lips when it was moaned in his ear. A very different sound from how it was normally said. This time a whisper, drawn out and slurred. Rolling off a heavy tongue, slowed by intoxication. Breathless. 

Of course, Levi and Furlan had simply been good friends. But sometimes friends were lonely, and drunk, and aching for contact. It had only happened on a few occasions, spread out and never discussed. But while Furlan had his dates with men and women in the Underground and above, Levi had only ever known Furlan’s kiss. Physical contact was not something he had a desire to seek out. Most of the time, the thought repulsed him.

He had seen scores of men come and go from the brothel as a child, and while many left with no issues, it was the ones who caused trouble that he could remember best. The ones who left his mother with bruises, or made one of the girls cry, or had to be dragged away and threatened to never return. He could remember the uniformed men, with the unicorn sewn onto their chests, who always left with arrogance and disdain, as though they were somehow superior to the other men who came through and too good to stay in a brothel a moment longer. They were usually frequent customers.

For Levi, too many of his memories of sex were tied to business transactions and violence and the sickness that killed his mother and some of her friends. There was nothing personal or intimate to it. But when he had kissed Furlan, it had been more than just flesh touching flesh. It had been an all-consuming warmth.

With a pang, he realized it was already harder to conjure the image of Furlan in his mind. Suddenly the water seemed to have lost all warmth.

* * *

“Somehow you seem to look worse,” Erwin commented as Levi walked through the door. He was seated at his desk, stacks of papers piled haphazardly before him, brow furrowed. “Did something happen?”

Levi shook his head, droplets falling from his hair. 

“Are you still bothered by what happened earlier? Nanaba’s fine; it was a clean break. And the others will come round once they know you. They’re just a little skittish that someone with a mysterious background is so… strong.”

“Mysterious background?” Levi questioned, closing the door behind him.

Erwin lifted his palms up. “All they know is that you came from the Underground, had no formal training, your friends are dead, and you killed five Titans. When you live and train together, that’s very little to know about someone.”

“And what do _you_ know about my mysterious background?” Levi searched Erwin’s face.

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. I promised you that.”

Levi’s eyes hardened. “I don’t have to tell you because you already know, don’t you?”

Erwin sat back in his chair and steepled his fingers together. “I’m sure some of what I know is just hearsay, and I’m sure there’s details I haven’t heard. But I’ve got down the gist of it, yes.”

Levi’s head pounded. He could feel his anxiety creeping up his throat. “Then why the fuck did you bring me here? Do the other officers know the criminal you’ve brought to them? The kind of man you let roam free?”

“Why don’t you sit down, Levi?”

“You got your man, Lovof. I want to know what you plan to use me for next.”

“I’m not trying to use you, Levi.”

“Bullshit. Even Shadis warned me about you.”

Erwin sighed. “Shadis and I don’t always agree on things. Or how to go about things. But that doesn’t mean I’m using you. Actually, part of my inviting you here was to discuss things  _ with _ you, as equals.”

Levi scoffed. “Is that the same line you feed Shadis when you need him to do something for you? You want to discuss things as ‘equals?’”

“Look, Levi, I get that you’re mad right now. But you’re not mad at me, you’re mad at yourself. So just hear me out.”

“I  _ am  _ mad at you. So whatever you have to say, better be good.”

Erwin smirked, and Levi couldn’t be sure if what he hated was Erwin’s arrogance or his own self for reacting with butterflies in his stomach. 

“I think you and I are the same, maybe more so than anyone else here.”

“And how’s that, Erwin?”

Erwin’s voice was soft when he spoke next. “We know there’s people inside these walls that are no different than the Titans out there, and I think we both want to do something about it.”

Levi shrugged. “That means nothing. Hell, even Shadis has complaints about the wealthy families and their influence.”

“Shadis is a military man. He will always follow the rules and order, even if he personally disagrees. He will lead men to die in ways that others have decided are acceptable, and he will not dirty his hands beyond that. And through this system, Paradis will continue to send an impersonal, calculated number of men to their death each year and humanity will advance no further than the last.

“I am not Shadis. I will bend and break the rules. I won’t be held back by arbitrary measures of formality. I am not quite as reckless as you to play the part of vigilante, but I know how to set up the pieces in their little games; and when they realize their inevitable self destruction, they will curse my name and call me a snake and manipulator. But their actions are always their own.”

There was an intensity burning in Erwin’s eyes as he spoke. Levi felt as though he were staring into the sun. Erwin’s words had been barely a whisper, and yet they resonated within Levi as though the sound waves themselves had seeped into his bones and shaken his core.  _ This must be the power of a true leader _ , Levi thought to himself. He understood why Erwin was so feared.

“So what do you need me to do?” Levi asked.

Erwin smiled. “I need you to be my confidante who makes sure I don’t go too far.”

Levi couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped him. “I think I might lack the moral code you’re looking for.”

“Have you ever killed someone who didn’t deserve to die?” Erwin asked.

Levi hesitated. “No.”

“Then I think your moral code is where I need it to be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating more frequently. Sometimes life is overwhelming.
> 
> I just wanna write more about Hange and Levi's friendship but my writing always takes me elsewhere
> 
> Levi and Erwin sharing a bedroom? Levi and Erwin attending a party together? I tease myself with these ideas and how long I take to get there
> 
> If anyone read the latest chapter just know the ending I had in my mind for this fanfic is suddenly a lot happier (bittersweet instead of sad? maybe not happy) because (let me word this best I can so I don't spoil anything) Levi can go where the others go and I wasn't sure before that he could because he's an Ackerman


	7. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi has a nightmare while staying with Erwin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stressful times. Short chapter. Have some fluff

Levi chucked the hardened loaf at Erwin’s head. “Stop making me eat extra bread.”

Erwin, who had been focused on his potato, did not react fast enough to dodge the projectile. The bread roll hit his temple with a  _ thud _ . He turned in his desk chair to face Levi, perched in the big cushioned chair near the foot of his bed. 

“How are you going to grow if you don’t eat?” Erwin asked, picking up the bread and brushing it off.

“Grow? I know I’m short, but I think it’s too late for me to grow,” Levi replied.

“Men can sometimes grow until they’re twenty-five.”

Levi paused. “How old do you think I am?”

“I don’t know, twenty-three?”

Levi leaned back in his seat. “I could be off by a year or two, but I believe I’m twenty-nine.”

Erwin choked on his potato. 

Levi laughed. “Maybe this bread would have made a difference ten years ago, but I think I’m stuck at this height.”

“I didn’t realize we were so close in age,” Erwin replied, wiping his mouth with a napkin. 

“Me neither,” Levi replied with a smirk. “I thought you had to be ancient. What are you, like fifty-two?”

Unlike Erwin, Levi was able to dodge the bread.

Erwin’s laugh filled the room, and Levi couldn’t help the smile that crept onto his face. He closed his eyes, wanting to shut off all senses but sound and drown himself in the moment.

When he opened his eyes, Erwin was still looking at him, lips turned upward. 

“What?” Levi asked, suddenly feeling defensive.

“You’re not what I was expecting,” Erwin replied, eyes shining.

“Short?”

Another laugh. “No. I wasn’t expecting you to be someone who makes me laugh.”

Levi shrugged. “You just have a poor sense of humor.”

Erwin stared at him for a few moments longer before his smile dropped from his face. He shifted in his seat, gathering himself into a serious pose. Levi felt the air in the room change.

“I know I have a reputation around here for being cold and serious,” Erwin began. “And it comes, in part, from my distrust of those around me. We haven’t had a great start, and I can understand your hesitancy to open up to me and why you wouldn’t trust me, but I do believe you’re the one person who can understand me better than anyone else here. So, if it’s alright with you, I’d like to continue placing my trust in you, and hopefully one day you can do the same for me.”

Levi squirmed in the chair, suddenly feeling as though it were too hard beneath him. “Are you asking me to tell you something?”

Erwin opened his mouth, but no words came out. He glanced away and shook his head. “No, not tonight. I’m sure I’ll ask for things in the future, but I won’t ask any more tonight.”

Levi didn’t know what to say, so he simply nodded in response. 

An uncomfortable silence permeated the space between them, broken only when Erwin’s chair scraped against the floor as he stood. “I think I’ll get us some tea.”

The door clicked shut after him, and Levi let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

* * *

His knuckles were bruised. There was blood on his hands, on his knife. Angry voices surrounding him. It was time to go. He just needed to find Kenny. Where was Kenny? Unfamiliar faces, pressing in. He started running. Head whipping back and forth. Where could he be? Kenny?

“Kenny?” Levi called out. He felt arms wrap around him, pulling him in tight. The smell of pine needles filled his nose. 

“Levi. I’m here.”

There were no pine needles in the Underground.

Levi opened his eyes to find his face pressed into soft cotton. Strong arms held him close. This wasn’t Kenny.

“Erwin?”

The arms loosened around him and the warmth disappeared. Levi blinked his eyes, adjusting to the darkness. Erwin held him at arm’s length.

“Are you alright?” Erwin asked, voice filled with concern.

Levi blinked. “I think so. Where am I?”

“My room,” Erwin responded. He reached out to cup Levi’s cheek, thumb brushing beneath his right eye, wiping a tear Levi hadn’t known was there. “Sorry,” he murmured, pulling away.

“I had a dream I was in the Underground,” Levi replied, wiping his eyes with his arm.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Erwin asked softly.

“No, I… what was I saying in my sleep?”

“I woke up to you calling out to Kenny.”

Levi could still taste the bitterness of his dream. “Oh.”

He could see Erwin better now that his eyes had more time to adjust. His blond hair was tousled, eyes heavy with sleep. He wore just boxers and a tank top, collar bone gleaming and exposed. His hands were restless at his sides now that they no longer held Levi.

Levi was grateful the darkness could hide his blush. “I think I’m alright to go back to sleep. Sorry to wake you.”

Erwin hesitated. “Do you want my bed?”

Levi, still half asleep, wasn’t sure whether what he said next was in his mind or out loud. “With or without you in it?”

He cringed at his own words. He glanced up to see Erwin hadn’t changed expression.  _ What a relief, _ he thought to himself.  _ Can’t believe I almost said that out loud _ .

“Would you feel better if we shared? It’s a little small,” Erwin responded, flexing his fingers at his side.

Levi was too stunned to move.  _ How could I have said something so stupid? _

“Sorry, was that a joke? It’s hard to read your expression in the dark,” Erwin added quickly.

“I… uh, I’m alright with sleeping in the chair still,” Levi replied, looking at the floor.

“Alright. If you need anything don’t be afraid to wake me,” Erwin replied, turning to climb back to bed.

Levi cast a longing glance at the flannel sheets before wrapping himself back in the wool blanket Erwin had provided and settling into the padded chair. His thoughts were swimming with Erwin’s words and his own slip of tongue.  _ Why did I say that? _

It would be hours before he fell asleep again. 

* * *

When he woke up next, he was greeted by the smell of black tea and scrambled eggs. Erwin was sitting at his desk, reading something intently, when he glanced at Levi and noticed him waking. 

“I brought you breakfast,” Erwin announced. “Didn’t want to wake you.”

Levi blinked. “Uh, thanks.”

He picked up the cup of tea, still steaming slightly, and pressed it gently to his lips. He watched as the blond before him stared intently at the page in his hands, turning it over with displeasure and quickly searching the stacks to his right for another paper. Long fingers strummed through a pile until they landed on what they wanted, swiftly pulling out an embossed letter. 

“Levi, could you read this line to me? I believe it appears in another one of these letters, but I’d have to find it.” Erwin held out the letter to him.

Levi glanced at the seal of a bird with gold letters beneath. “I can’t read.”

Erwin’s head snapped up. The intensity in his blue eyes changed in direction only. “You never went to school?”

“I had a very informal education.”

“Lovof corresponded with your team in letters.”

Levi’s heart sank. He took a sip of the tea. “Furlan could read. He was the brains. I communicated with my knife.”

Erwin pursed his lips and nodded. “We’ll have to work on that.”

“Reading? Furlan tried teaching me once. It wasn’t my thing.”

“Knowledge is important, Levi,” Erwin chastised. “Reading gives you the power to find knowledge independently. There are many who would lie about the words on a page to censor the truth.”

“There are those who could write new words to alter the truth,” Levi pointed out.

Erwin smiled. “Now you’re thinking the way I need you to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like my writing quality has been declining. But I wrote myself something cute. As a treat.


	8. Expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin pushes Levi to work harder.

Erwin was ruthless when it came to Levi’s skills. Levi could perfectly slice the neck of every cardboard Titan on the training battlefield faster than his comrades could get near, and Erwin would still chew him out for the recklessness of his gas usage. 

“You wasted too much gas on that last spin. You need to make your movements sharper,” Erwin chastised, landing next to Levi at the base of the pine trees.

“They’re all dead, Erwin,” Levi pointed out.

“Let me see your gear then,” Erwin demanded, a gleam in his eye. 

Levi took off the ODM equipment, gingerly setting it in Erwin’s hands. 

“In that case, Levi, why don’t you run back to the dining hall? Better train up your endurance if you’re not going to have the gas to get you back to safety.” 

“What?”

“If you’re going to waste gas, you better be prepared for the consequences.”

When Levi reached the dining hall, shirt soaked through from perspiration, the place had already been emptied out. Erwin sat alone at his normal table, sharp eyes focused on the entrance, staring Levi down as he entered. His eyes watched Levi’s movements closely, causing Levi’s already-red face to flush. Erwin turned around and grabbed a plate hidden behind him.

“Here, I made sure to save you some food. There’s an extra potato to make up for all the energy you lost running back.”

Levi grunted, collapsing beside him on the bench. He rested his head against the worn wooden table top. The moisture of his shirt sticking to his back turned his stomach. He hated feeling unclean. “I’m not hungry,” he grumbled into the wood.

Erwin pursed his lips together. “Why don’t you wash off, then, and I’ll save this in my room for you.”

Levi turned his head to look at Erwin. “Somehow you’re the best and the worst person I know.”

Erwin shrugged. “Next time, don’t waste so much gas.”

* * *

Erwin was strict when it came to sparring as well. 

After the incident with Nanaba, Erwin and Levi were always sparring partners. Levi was quick, sure, but he hadn’t had much formal training since Kenny left. And Kenny’s methods had focused more on stealth to avoid fights in the first place. Levi knew how to dodge and hold weight against an angered shopkeeper, but fighting a man who sparred regularly was another matter.

“If you don’t mind, Erwin, we’d all like to watch you spar for a bit,” Mike requested after Erwin announced the matchups. “We haven’t seen you fight since the last time we went beyond the walls.”

Erwin stared down Mike. “I’m not the best fighter in the group, Mike,” he responded. “Everyone would make better use of their time by actually practicing.”

Hange was more blunt. “Come on, Erwin, no one’s going to be able to focus on their fight until they see you and Levi exchange some blows. Everyone’s curious.”

Mike shot Hange a look, but Hange just rolled their eyes. “He knew what you were thinking, Mike, there’s no point in hiding your intentions.”

Levi felt the eyes of his comrades boring into him. They were still so uncertain of him.  _ Humanity’s strongest soldier _ was still tossed around, but the gossip had shifted. 

Some spoke of his night terrors, of the name he called out. Some still spoke of his fight with Nanaba, although Nanaba herself didn’t seem too bothered by it. Some, through hushed voices behind hands cupped to ears, would speak of how he no longer slept in the barracks but was kept in Captain Erwin’s room. 

_ Don’t you think it’s strange _ , they’d say,  _ that he’s been removed from the barracks? _

_ I hear he sleeps in a cage in the captain’s room. _

_ I hear he’s a bioengineered experiment Hange and the captain are running. _

_ I hear - _

Erwin glanced at Levi, whose fists were clenched at his sides. The blond gave his companion a half smile. “Guess we’ve got a show to put on for them.” Erwin tried to sound lighthearted, but Levi’s knuckles turned whiter.

Erwin turned to face Levi and cracked his neck. He approached the shorter man, stopping just before him. “Don’t hold back,” he whispered in a low voice. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to show off a bit.” He walked straight past Levi, rolling his shoulders and shaking out his arms before turning back to face his companion, stance ready.

Levi got into position himself, uncertain of Erwin’s abilities. He had never seen the tall blond fight, but he imagined Erwin would be quick to analyze his opponents moves and counteract with new strategies. Levi narrowed his eyes, knowing this fight would test him mentally as well as physically. 

He raised his fists, getting into position. Erwin smirked. “You first, Levi,” he taunted. 

Levi circled the taller man, looking for an opening. He studied the way Erwin’s feet danced, the way his torso bent and his shoulders bunched. The twitch of those long fingers, the tension in the muscles before he moved. Erwin was light on his feet, quick to respond to Levi’s changes in direction. His blue eyes were piercing, with a knowing look that had Levi wondering if Erwin could predict his movements. After a moment, he saw Erwin expose his right flank. Levi dove in, knowing his speed was unmatched.

In an instant he was tasting dirt. 

“Don’t think I’m that easy,” Erwin laughed, stretching out a hand. “You fell right into my trap.”

Levi brushed the hand away and stood up. He was aware of the many pairs of eyes focused on him.

“Ready?” Erwin asked, not waiting for a response.

Levi blocked the punch with a forearm, but stumbled back slightly. He began circling again, but this time Erwin wasn’t waiting for him. Levi dodged, countered, and blocked a flurry of attacks.

He managed to land a solid punch to Erwin’s jaw, then felt his legs swept from under him. Within the span of an exhale he was pinned on the ground, Erwin breathing heavy above him. Wrists held firmly in large bronzed hands. Erwin sitting on his thighs, holding him down with his weight.

Levi had exhaled with the hit and was finding himself forgetting how to breathe in. 

Erwin gave a soft smile. His lips moved near Levi’s ear, the words blowing gently against his skin. “You rely too much on your speed. Your movements are too easy to read.” He leaned in closer, close enough that Levi could feel Erwin’s lips brush against his hair. He softened his grip on Levi’s wrists. “Thanks for letting me show off.”

Erwin sat up on his haunches, still straddling Levi. He rubbed his jaw, shifting it side to side. “Not a bad punch.”

“That all you got today, Levi?” Mike called out. The crowd began to dissipate as partners matched up for their own training. 

Hange hit Mike upside the head. “He’s worked harder than you today.”

Mike grumbled something and headed off. Hange came over to Erwin, still sitting on Levi.

“Could you, uh, let me up?” Levi asked, looking off to the side. 

“Oh, sorry,” Erwin replied, shifting to stand. He held a hand out to Levi to help the smaller man up.

Levi shielded his eyes from the sun blazing behind Erwin’s head, accepting his hand this time. Erwin’s larger, rugged hand easily grasped Levi’s pale, slender palm and hoisted him up.

“I think that went well,” Hange announced. “Everyone seems to be more at ease after seeing Levi get his butt kicked.”

Levi brushed the dirt off his pants. “Well I wasn’t  _ trying to _ ,” he grumbled.

Erwin laughed. “That’s the point of training. One day, I expect  _ you  _ to pin  _ me _ down.”

Levi turned his head so Erwin wouldn’t see his face brighten.

* * *

_ Levi Ackerman _ . 

Erwin’s letters were art on the page. Glistening dark ink upon a snowy white background. Sharp lines and soft curves. Levi fumbled with the pen at first, struggling to imitate the same strokes. Erwin made his name look beautiful, but he made it look like an illegible disaster. Lately Levi  _ felt _ like a disaster as he struggled to meet Erwin’s expectations. 

He wanted to be something clean, precise,  _ sharp _ , like the way Erwin wrote the letters in his name. Instead he found himself feeling like he could barely keep up.

Erwin glanced over Levi’s shoulder. “Hmm, I think you should try holding the pen differently. Here.” He wrapped an arm around Levi to grab the hand that held the pen. “Slide these fingers,” he said softly into Levi’s ear, guiding the fingers with his own hand. “Pinch it like this.”

Levi, feeling his hand shake slightly, did his best to follow directions, although he found it hard to focus on the words when he was overwhelmed by the low tenor of Erwin’s voice and the warmth of the hand guiding his own. 

“Try that,” Erwin suggested, standing up and taking a step back. He cleared his throat. “See if that’s any easier.”

Levi scratched out shaky letters.

“Better,” Erwin remarked. “Next, try this.” He wrote some symbols on a separate sheet of paper and placed it before Levi.

“What’s this say?” Levi asked.

“Erwin Smith.”

Levi traced the letters with his finger, then the pen, thinking that somehow they were even more beautiful than the letters in his own name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long update. Had a lot going on. Haven't even caught up on the anime yet but I can't wait to see how it looks!
> 
> Going to try to update this more consistently again before things get too crazy. Hope you enjoy!


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